Now that being said I have looked at the numbers for years and looked at my ever growing girth for years but it is only when I saw THE picture that I felt the sting like a slap on the face.
My ever so loving soon to husband (who is crazy about me - still can't seem to figure out why) thought it would be cute to take a photo of me sleeping. Problem, I sleep naked. Now I too do this from time to time, getting him while he is asleep or just random photos, but when he loving (all the while telling me how sexy I am - and in his world he means every word of it) shows me the photo I want to vomit.
I look like a blob of white fatty flesh. I can't get it outta my head, not unlike a grizzly scene from a horror flick I can't seem to shake.
Please understand some woman can totally rock the big bold sexy look, I though can not! I don't have the features for it. I'm not tall, I'm so pale that I could probably get a part in the Walking Dead series, as a zombie (no make-up required) and to top it off from my side profile I have a very prominent nose (Barbra Streisand eat your heart).
Please understand that I'm all for loving yourself and all, and I am sure as hell not looking for pity. I'm honest, you can say I'm a realist I suppose at least when it comes to the way I look and feel. I have some decent qualities, I love my eyes and the curve in my back just before my rump. Hell even my boobies look pretty fab for have 5 children, the don't look as happy as they once did but none the less my girls have held up very well.
It's everything else too, the being of short breath, the bad knees, sleep issues and the list goes on.
I have decided to use this blog to keep track of my progress and I guess a bit of a person diary as well.
I have just started going to some Yoga class offered by my job every Tuesday night after work. I love it!
I also joined the "local" Planet Fitness...again (paid, get my free shirt and key card and never went back). Funny thing is I've been a member for about 2 months now today was my first day of really going and you know, actually working out (with a trainer and everything). So glad I decided to get a program set with a trainer, not I have a goal I have to met and I really feel like I can do it.
This coming Friday I have an appointment with a licensed doctor in near my job that specializes in weight management.
After all the yo-yo dieting, fad diets, pills, shakes, and just trying to do it on my own I really feel like I'm on the right path. Crossing my fingers.
So I'm going to try and track my progress, calculate my exercise and weight. Now I've tried the food tracking but I find myself getting frustrated easily so I will what on that one or see what the doc says.
Here it goes:
April 4th 2014 Friday / 206.8 lbs / BMI 36.7 / Clothing size 16/18 XL / Age 37
Scary right! Yuck! Believe it or not I use to dance, wanted to go to Broadway (never happened obviously)...I was even a stripper for a very brief time in my youth. That's a whole other story....
Anyway...
The crazy thing seeing these pics is that in my mind I envision a skinny healthy chick, so these pictures are helpful in snapping me back to the real world. But there is a skinny girl in there that is dying to get free!
*Please not when I say skinny I mean realistically skinny. I want to get down to a size 8/10 and 135/145lbs is my goal, but that;s my long term right now I have my eyes set to 175 and a size 12/14. Baby steps.
My goal for exercise is work out with the routine giving to me every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to start and still going to my Yoga class every Tuesday night and practicing at home. I will wait to tackle the food issues when I see the doc, I already have a good idea so I'm going with that. Just really trying to focus on what and how much I'm consuming.
I believe my over eating has a lot to do with mental health as well which in the next few months I want to explore.
Today Fri. April 4th 2014 I exercised on the elliptical machine for 15 mins.
First 5 with an incline of 30 then the rest of the time down to 15.
By the end of the 15mins I thought I was gonna die! When I first got on I was like "oh yeah I can do 15 mins on here no sweat!" After the first 5 I was like "oh hell no, I think I should stop"..."but just 5 more"...then when I've done 10, maybe I should quit now"..."What no way, it only 5 more!" "Stop being a pansy ass!"..."You can't stop now!"
Gotta say, my legs felt like jelly but I was proud of myself. Felt good.
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