Excellent morning...
Went to workout for the very first time ("official" full workout routine) and it was, well...excellent. It's funny, I seem to have a whole new outlook. Before I would stress that people were staring at me and thinking "Wow look at that heffer try and work out!" Now understand that on a normal bases I could care less, or so I thought. I've kinda had an epiphany as it were. Thinking back every time I go shopping for clothes for example I'm conscious of what I look like, the favorite line "Does this make me look fat?" is a pretty spot on statement. See we all do it, every one. I don't care if you are as thin as a rail, slender hourglass figure, or as big as a freaking house! You are aware of what you look like and how others view you. I mean if I really didn't care I wouldn't wear makeup or again worry if an outfit doesn't look right. Appearances matter whether we like or not. And I don't care who you are you want to "fit in" it's human nature. It's what we as humans have done for centuries, we needed to fit into survive. I could go on but I will leave that for another time...but I digress, back to the workout.
What I'm getting at is for all this time I've be so worried that there is someone somewhere laughing at me. I don't know why this is, maybe it's from all the years growing up being bullied and well laughed at. Whatever it was deep in my psyche (and at times still) was holding me back. I was stuck in this rut of, okay yeah I could probably workout at home but am I sure that I know what I'm doing? Plus I don't have the room, the money for equipment, etc...etc...etc... excuses, excuses, & more excuses.
ENOUGH ALREADY!
For the first time, in my tight workout gear (which is not forgiven at all) I went to the gym and could care less if anyone was looking and laughing (I'm pretty sure no one cared and if they were well, fuck 'em - excuse my French). When those feelings and self doubt would creep up, I would think of how kick ass I'm going to look and feel real soon. I mean if I get to where I want to be (final goal 135/140 lbs) I want to run a marathon for children's cancer research or I don't know something meaningful, I want to show my children that if you don't like something change it! Don't wait for it, go out and do it! For them to understand at times your greatest enemy is your own self doubt about yourself and what you are capable of doing.
Now I just hope I can keep it up, and take my own advice. Feeling oh so fabulous!
*Side note: If anyone is interested I will be posting my work routine that trainer Kevin from Planet Fitness came up with for me. This way I can hold myself accountable and record my progress.
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